I feel like you deserve an update. Like some sort of eight-twelfths of the year update on my progress on giving up one thing a month.
January's Challenge: No Alcohol
Did you make it?
Yes.
Was it hard?
Not at first, but about the 25th of the month, I was sitting at my desk one afternoon and I really, really, really wanted a drink. I shot some heroin, and the feeling subsided.
Did you come up with any coping mechanisms?
Count down the days like they were a prison sentence.
Did you learn anything?
I was pretty cranky.
I dropped 11 pounds. Without going to the gym or working out or doing anything. Now, to be fair, I was coming off Christmas in London, so I'd eaten everything I could get my hands on. But. Still. I dropped 11 pounds.
- I slept like a baby every night.
How did you get back in the saddle?
I had a bratwurst at Jake's sitting in front of me at exactly 11:55. I had a Budwesier sitting in front of me at exactly 12:00:01 ... Which brings us to :
February's Challenge: No meat
Did you make it?
Yes.
Was it hard?
Every second. My middle name is Angus, and my mascot from 7th grade through college was bovine based.
Did you come up with any coping mechanisms?
There's a joint nearby that makes a really mean Impossible Burger (that's one of those lab made beef substitutes. And that iteration is really, really good.
Did you learn anything?
I was pretty cranky.
I never felt like I could get full. But when I woke up on March 1, after eating like three sausages at midnight, I felt super bloated ... which made me feel full. Which made me realize all month I had actually been full, but not bloated.
- One meal at a time, being meat-free is not that hard. And it's probably a lot easier in Brooklyn than in most places.
- It was smart of me to pick this challenge for the shortest month.
How did you get back in the saddle?
I had a bratwurst sitting in front of me at exactly 12:00:01 and a Budweiser.
March Challenge: No chocolate
Did you make it?
Yes
Was it hard?
No.
Did you come up with any coping mechanisms?
I didn't really need any.
Did you learn anything?
- I was pretty cranky.
- Robyn suggested this one and thought it would be hard. I knew this was going to be my easiest month. I had to not have a chocolate birthday cake. Oh well.
How did you get back in the saddle?
Well, I kind of couldn't. Because that gets us to April.
April Challenge: No sugar
Did you make it?
I mean ... technically no, I had some sugar. This month's came down to definitions. The point of all of this is to be more conscious of many of my habits. Not to be some sort of terrible punishment. Which is to say, yes. There are sugars in fruits and vegetables. But I'm not trying to just be wildly punishing. Just more aware. So I tried to define it as no added sugars. So, no sweets, obviously. And no sauces with added sugars. Like ketchup and BBQ sauces and such. I also didn't do any honey or artificial sweeteners. That just felt like trading heroin for methadone. (not that there's anything wrong with that.)
Oh, also, at midnight Eastern, April 1, I was in Phoenix, about to fly back to back here from Spring Training / Opening Day. I decided to start my challenge on NY time. It took me about ten minutes to realize the Gatorade I was drinking had already meant I failed. So I recanted and said I meant to start it midnight Arizona time. My bad.
Was it hard?
Immensely. There's sugar in everything. For the first time in my life, I started actually looking at food labels. They're kind of terrifying, honestly.
Did you come up with any coping mechanisms?
Drink lots of water.
Did you learn anything?
I was pretty cranky.
Again. There's fucking sugar and high fructose corn syrup in everything. Take a look next time.
Thank God for Bourbon ... which is to say, Thank God for yeast and the magic it does converting sugars into alcohol.
How did you get back in the saddle?
I think it was a pint of Ample Hills ice cream.
May Challenge: No Caffeine
Did you make it?
Again, depending on your definitions, yes. I took to French pressing decaf coffee in the mornings. Is there some caffeine in there? Sure. Is it enough? Not at all.
Was it hard?
Amazingly, no.
Did you come up with any coping mechanisms?
Take a nap.
Did you learn anything?
I was pretty cranky.
I think sometimes the ritual is as important as the actual content of things. Making decaf every morning did a pretty good job at sating things.
Thank God for Bourbon. Just because that needs to be said more.
How did you get back in the saddle?
With a big pot of coffee. Black. Full strength.
June Challenge: No Video games
Did you make it?
Nope.
Was it hard?
Apparently.
Did you come up with any coping mechanisms?
Nope. I tried reading instead. It did ok, but didn't get it done in the end.
Did you learn anything?
I was pretty cranky.
Train rides are made for the mindlessness of games like Two Dots and such. What got me in the end, though, was Tap Baseball. On about the 25th or so, I logged in just to check things. Before long, I found myself playing a couple of games a day. I never turned on the Xbox or any other games. But I couldn't bear the thought of my team just sitting there. Atrophying. While Cliff's got better.
How did you get back in the saddle?
By failing completely.
July Challenge: No Restaurants
Did you make it?
Not 100 percent. A couple of times, I ate some fries or something off of someone's plate. There were also a few Seamless orders in there.
Was it hard?
It was surprisingly easy to improve in this area by a ton.
Did you come up with any coping mechanisms?
Meal prep and grilling.
Did you learn anything?
I was pretty cranky.
This is totally way more possible than I imagined.
August Challenge: No cursing
Did you make it?
No. Eleven minutes into the month, I called some kid on Fortnite a fucking idiot.
Was it hard?
At first. Clearly. Then, after a few slips here and there (many of which, the people around me didn't even notice) I'd go days without a slip. After about three weeks, I wasn't even cursing in my thoughts. That is to say, at first I was still cursing internally, but filtering it before I said anything. Then I pretty much wasn't even thinking it anymore. and once I stopped in cursing, it was pretty amazing how much more cheery and positive I think I was overall ... in my words and my actions.
There was one exception: At some point in this month, I downloaded the "42 Dominoes" app for iPhone. If you're not aware of the game 42, you're dead to me. But the way it works is you have a partner and two opponents. The app gives you a computer partner to play two computer teammates. I played a ton of 42 in college. And there were just normal phrases and short hands we spoke in while throwing bones around a table. And those phrases and sayings and cursing just came pouring back into my internal dialogue. So I'd curse in my head when my computer partner made stupid mistakes. As if it was 1997 again and I was talking across the table to David DeStefano or something.
Did you come up with any coping mechanisms?
Not really. I mean I didn't try to substitute words or anything. I mean I wouldn't call someone a monkey kisser instead of a mother fucker or anything. I'd try to just maybe say, "crap," if I stubbed my toe or something.
Did you learn anything?
I was actually pretty not cranky.
It's amazing how much words and thoughts influence attitudes and actions. I mean, that should be 100 percent obvious, but until you experience it, you probably don't fully get it.
How did you get back in the saddle?
By posting the "Fuck" scene from The Wire to Facebook.